


Shadow of Self

by Sinning_Satan (Inactive_Account)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 14:20:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11648322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inactive_Account/pseuds/Sinning_Satan
Summary: Katie endured Shiro's abuse in silence, but Allura would help her recover.





	Shadow of Self

_‘Katie, don’t hide from me.’_

_Katie uncovered her face; tears streamed down pale cheeks, while her lower lip trembled, and her brown eyes looked over to the far wall. There were shadows upon the plaster. Shiro’s long limbs towered above her shorter limbs, while legs tangled together so that the shadows merged into a creature of some alien creation. Katie winced at the pain in her lower body. It was sharp and familiar, but something far from wanted. The young girl wept._

_Shiro smiled down upon her, cheeks flushed red around his scar. There was a sweat breaking out upon his nose, while his hands pressed themselves on either side of her head, and the room reeked of that same sweat borne from exertion. He panted for breath. He groaned low in his throat. Katie scrunched her eyes shut, imagining herself anywhere else._

_‘You don’t have to be “Pidge” with me, Katie.’_

_He thrust ever deeper inside._

* * *

Allura looked beautiful.

The young princess sat upon the edge of the stairs, with her face angled up towards the stars, and – upon that serene expression – Katie caught sight of how her eyes half-closed and how a slight blush overcame those soft cheeks. There was an aura of sadness. Those long white locks tousled slightly in the breeze, while her nightgown rustled with small movements, and there was a faint scent of some rich perfume from some foreign world.

Katie sat beside her, still dressed in the Paladin uniform. There was something restful about being just outside the castle entrance, where they could take in the world around them, and there was also something nice about the feel of cool stone beneath her hands, as she relished in being alone with the one person she could trust most. Coran could be heard somewhere deep within, yelling at something or other while Lance yelled back, but the others would likely be asleep within their quarters or spending private time alone. Katie smiled.

It was quiet. The climate reminded her a little of Earth, but the air was less dry and arid. The breeze was comfortable and brought with it the sound of leaves upon trees, while the stars and moons above provided a soft glow, and the stars – always a comfort to Katie – were so sharp and bright that they brought a smile to her lips. It was to imagine that one of those stars was Earth, still alive and well in the distance, awaiting her return.

“Is everything quite alright?” Allura asked.

Katie hummed in mild contentment. There was a bright light in the distance, like a sharp spark followed by a rainbow of lights, and – as she gasped in wonder – Allura chuckled and nudged her lightly with her shoulder. The two women sat and watched the phenomenon, while Katie removed her glasses and looked out with a bare face. Her fingers toyed with the plastic arms of the spectacles, as she embraced the small connection to her brother, and smiled at how he would play with his glasses in the same way. Katie asked:

“Do you – ah – ever wonder about your pops?”

“All the time,” admitted Allura. “My father was a wise man, indeed. He would be able to offer forth the most apt advice for every situation, and – as of late – there have been many times where I have thought to myself what he might speak in regards to our plight. I may not know what it is like for one’s parent to be missing, but I do understand the nature of loss.”

“That – That helps a lot, but . . . I don’t know . . . I guess I was wondering how far you’d go to feel close to him? I mean, if you had a connection to your family – no matter how tenuous – wouldn’t you chase it and hold onto it like a gift from God?”

“Ah, I did so much with his holographic image. I would cling to it as if the shadow of the man could provide the substance of the man himself, and yet it only ever increased my pain and my grief. It was a reminder of what I could not obtain. Coran understands my loss perhaps more than any other, and – through him – I have found a father figure. I feel closer to my father when I am with Coran, and closer to Coran in the process.”

Katie winced almost imperceptibly, as she looked out into the stars. There – out in the wide universe – were her brother and father, still within her life no matter how distant, and her smile faltered when she realised that all Allura had left were memories. Katie raised a hand out and up towards the sky. The breeze was cool upon her fingers, while the stars still remained just out of reach, and she allowed her hand to collapse down beside her with an audible sigh. Allura reached out and took her hand, as she whispered:

“Shiro makes me feel close to my family.”

Allura gave a gentle squeeze; the gloved hand provided a gentle comfort, as it was soft to the touch and warm to boot, and Katie was thankful to feel something so smooth in stark contrast to the callused fingers of Shiro. The two of them clasped hands, as she stared up at the starry sky and tried to count how many stars existed in this wide universe before them. They sat in a relative silence, until Allura broke the quiet with a softly spoken:

“That is good, is it not?”

“I guess,” murmured Katie. “Sure.

They listened to laughter from inside; it came from Lance, which followed with shouts from Coran, and then – as both laughed together – there was a strange silence, followed by echoes that spoke of movement and intimacy, as if they had silenced their argument with an embrace or a kiss. Katie blushed and groaned at the idea, too confused by how anyone could enjoy that kind of physical closeness after the pain she endured, but the logical part of her thought it must usually feel good, else no one would chase after such acts.

“Hey,” said Katie. “Can I ask you a question?”

“I am always here for you, Pidge,” assured Allura.

“Okay, well, would you let Coran do anything . . . like _anything_ . . . just because he was the only other person with memories of your father? Like, Coran’s the only person who understands you, the only person you can talk to, and the only person who has total empathy with your situation, and it’s _nice_ to have that with someone, but . . . say he was doing stuff you _really_ hated . . . would you just put up with it to stay close to them?”

“Well, Coran _does_ have some faults.” Allura raised a finger to her lips with a pout. “He has an _awful_ gambling addiction, while he does somewhat lack some diversity in his cuisine, and I often step upon toenails in the bathroom.” Allura sighed. “No one is perfect.”

“Okay, but . . . what if he was . . . _touching_ you?”

“Touching me?”

Allura furrowed her brow, until a realisation dawned upon her. The young princess blanched and her hand loosened its grip momentarily, until she turned to face Katie directly and held ever tighter upon her, and – as the night felt ever colder – Allura took Katie’s hands and clasped them between hers, before she brought them to her chest and held them close. Katie blushed all the more and tried to get away, hating how it felt to be so close to another, so unable to get away, so – so . . . so claustrophobic. Allura asked through her struggles:

“Is Shiro abusing you?”

The silence that followed spoke more than words. Katie winced and blinked away tears, while her lip trembled and her body grew extremely hot despite the cold, and the beating of her heart echoed loud within her ears. It was difficult to endure the sudden pain, while she struggled and pull and try to get away from her closest friend, but Allura continued to hold her and hold her and hold, until there was nothing left but to give in. Katie broke.

The tears flowed down her face; they stung at her eyes and burned at her cheeks, while she tasted them upon her tongue and hated herself for being so weak, and – as she prayed that the pain would end soon – she wondered what her father and brother would think. Katie wanted to know if they would hate her for just . . . letting it happen. Katie wondered if they would be defensive, maybe even throwing a punch at Shiro and keeping him at bay. They were gone and she would never know how they would react. They weren’t there to help her.

“It is alright, my friend,” reassured Allura.

“I – I never said those words aloud before,” choked Katie. “I guess I still haven’t, but he – he’s been coming into my room for a while now . . . since he told me that he knew I was ‘Katie’ all along, and I’ve just . . . what was I supposed to say? He’s the leader of Voltron! He – He’s the only connection I have left to my family. He’s . . . Shiro.”

“No one had the right to touch you without your consent. _No one_. I will not stand for this level of cruelty onboard my ship! If you do not wish to make this abuse known to the others, I will support your choice. I will not, however, allow for this abuse to continue.”

“He’s all I have, Allura. He’s the only family I have left.”

“Not so!” Allura placed a chaste kiss to her head. “You have a new family with us, I can assure you. I do not know your father, but I know the love of a father and the desire that fathers have to protect their young at all costs. I shall thus take over your father’s role, until we find him and he is able to be your father once more. Shiro will not harm you.”

The lights in the distance grew a little brighter. Katie wrapped her arms around Allura, where she held tight to the nightdress and buried her head into the crook of her friend’s neck, and the warmth of the other provided a small comfort. It was good to be held. It reminded her of her mother, when they would cuddle together on cold nights and watch old movies, and yet her heart raced and a dizziness overcame her. Katie daren’t dream an end to the abuse, but even should the abuse end . . . what of her tenuous hold upon her family?

Katie gripped harder upon the nightdress. Her eyes scrunched shut, as she struggled to breathe slow and steady, but the self-hatred boiled inside her until the tears fell once more, and they brought a physical pain with them. It was hard not to judge herself, to wonder what people would think to know she never fought back, and yet it was the mixture of fear and a desire for family that forced her to submit. Did it still count as abuse? Rape?

“W-What if it’s not abuse?” Katie asked.

“You are too young to consent, my dear,” said Allura. “Even were you to say ‘yes’, you cannot truly understand to what you are agreeing toward. Besides, someone who fully wants the act of intercourse does not weep in fear as a result! Did you wish for it?”

“N-No.” Katie swallowed hard. “I – I just . . . we would talk . . . about my family and about my home and about my identity . . . I trusted him. It started with hugs, then with touches, and then one night . . . I – I don’t know. He was so _nice_ about it. I guess I expected a rapist to be someone ugly and mean, or someone that beat you or called you names, but he was really tender and gentle and said nice things. I should have said ‘no’, right?

“I don’t want to get him into trouble. It’s not as though I fought him or told him to stop, but I did kind of . . . freeze. It’s like my body belonged to someone else. My – My arms wouldn’t move and my legs wouldn’t move, and I saw myself from above, and I wanted to cry and shout, but I just couldn’t! I was so ashamed . . . I had like twenty showers, but -!”

“But you just couldn’t get clean?”

Katie shook her head.

Allura pulled back just a little, enough to clasp the young girl’s face in her gloved hands, and she lifted Katie’s head just enough for them to lock eyes. It was strangely intimate. Allura blinked away tears in turn, as she pressed a lingering and chaste kiss to Katie’s forehead, and – for a brief moment – Katie was transported home. It was a touch that reminded her of her father kissing her goodnight as a child, and her heart slowed and the nervous sweat stilled, and a sense of peace came over her at odds with her fears. Katie gnawed her lip.

“I believe Coran was once attacked,” said Allura.

Katie looked to Allura with wide eyes. The young princess let her hands fall, as she turned her head to gaze solemnly upon the stone steps, and Katie – unsure how to proceed – scratched nervously at her neck and sniffed away her tears. Katie blinked to fight back the rest of the tears, while she drew in a shuddered breath. It was silent now inside the castle. The chances were that Lance and Coran had returned to their rooms, or at least one room.

“No kidding?” Katie asked.

“I do not jest,” whispered Allura. “I overheard one night in my teenage years. I sometimes believe he teases and jokes as he does to hide that overwhelming pain, but for so long he blamed himself for he did not act as he believed a victim should. In a way, I believe he abused himself far worse than his attacker. It is a scar that lasts a lifetime.”

“He – He seems pretty well-adjusted.” Katie sniffed and wiped at her nose. “It – It feels good to get this out, though, like this _massive_ weight off my shoulders, but I still feel it . . . it’s here and it won’t go away . . . how do I make it go away? How do I make the pain stop?”

“First, we must make the abuse stop.”

Allura stood and reached down a gloved hand. Katie took it and was yanked upright, surprised by the strength of her friend, and – before she could walk away – Allura pulled her in for a warm embrace. It was a strong hold, one that almost stole breath from her. Katie worried the glasses still in her hand would snap and break, but more so she worried about inconveniencing the one person that cared about her above all else. It took all her strength to talk one more time, too afraid to put Allura out in any way. Katie asked:

“How do we do that?”

“You will sleep in my room from now on.” Allura smiled. “It will be like a sleepover! Oh, I do miss those . . . makeovers and pranks and various games -! Ah, fun aside, I can promise you that he will not be able to harm you under my supervision. I even have an _en suite_ , so he cannot corner you elsewhere. I shall change his schedule to clash with yours, also.”

“Yeah, but what about the long-term? I can’t hide forever.”

“You cannot, but let us deal with the short-term first.”

Katie looked to Allura and saw the sincerity in her eyes, and – unable to hold back her emotion – wept in earnest. Allura held her tight, while Katie cried until her eyes were dry, at which point she choked and coughed and spluttered, until Allura hushed and hummed and comforted her with soft noises. They stood together in relative silence, until Katie was finally able to find enough strength to speak. In a soft voice, she said through her smile:

“Thank you, Allura.”


End file.
